I’m having a difficult time accepting my new reality; that my dad will never hug me again, tease me, or walk into my little house. I’m back in Portland and trying to wrap my head around my new world. It isn’t easy.
I had a feeling that my dad would die before the end of the summer. But I was hanging onto hope. I hoped that he would recover from Parkinson’s disease and two strokes. It so hard to believe that it’s been ten days since he died. It’s hard to believe that my mom and I sat with my dad as his body slowly shut down early Sunday morning.
It’s hard to believe that we sat in a funeral home last week and picked out a blue coffin with birds on it. It's hard to believe that I stood in front of 100 people and read an open letter to him, as my eulogy. It’s hard to believe that we buried him last weekend.
It’s hard to believe that we’ll be moving soon. I’m going to miss Portland and our friends, but we need to be closer to family. I need to be closer to my mom. Other than Logan, she is the only person I talk to every single day. I want to spend more quality time with her; time walking, swimming, and just sitting by the pool.
Even though I miss my dad, I know that he’s in a better place and have a feeling he’d want a few things from me. First, he would want my mom and I to help each other through this time period. Second, he would want me to keep writing, to take care of myself, and to keep living. So I’m easing back into my writing routine, resting, and trying to focus on all the good things that are happening in my life, like my upcoming ecourse, Logan, and my wonderful friendships. ￼ Be well, Tammy
P.S. Thank you for all the sweet emails and comments. Your kind words helped me get through the last week.