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5 Simple Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life

“Come on Tammy! Please come out with us,” Sera whined.

Over the period of two hours, Sera had been trying to convince me to go out to the bars for girls night. She had it all planned out; first we would go to The Bear and meet-up with some friends, then we would head over to the Crazyhorse Saloon and finish the night off at Normal Street Bar. She promised that the evening would be “chill” and that it would be good for me to get out of the house. So I relented and said yes.

It was the weekend after Valentine’s Day, in early 2001. My original plan was to spend the evening at home, cuddled up under the covers with a book. At the time, I was finishing up my bachelors degree at California State University Chico. The reading and writing requirements were really heavy, so I didn’t go out much anymore. My girlfriends were always complaining that I was more interested in my books, than dating or going out with them. And I have to admit, there was a little bit of truth to that assertion.

Books were safe and dating scared the hell out of me. At the time, I thought getting involved with someone would add way too much complexity to my life. In reality, I didn’t want to get my heart broken again.

But I digress, let’s get back to the story. By the time we got to the bar I was excited to be with my friends. They sky was clear and the air was cold and crisp; it was the perfect night to hang out at The Bear. The open patio was the best place to talk, drink beer, eat greasy fries, and people watch.

I remember the exact moment I saw Logan. He was standing behind my friend Dave and had on a black cowboy hat, a worn brown leather coat, and had big, bright blue eyes. Dave introduced us and we ended up engrossed in conversation for the rest of the evening. From that night on we’ve been inseparable. It’s hard to believe that was ten years ago.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s easy to start taking your partner for granted. We all fall into daily routines, get busy with work, and other obligations. So don’t take your partner for granted. Instead, try these simple tips to spice up your love life:

1. Make time for a date night.

Set aside one day every week specifically for your partner and go on a date. For instance, Logan and I used to go on weekly dates, but we let the habit fall to the wayside. So from now on, we’re going to set aside one evening every week for us.

2. Go on spontaneous trips.

Remember, you don’t have to plan everything. Be spontaneous. Go for a walk with your partner and see where you end up. It might lead you to an amazing restaurant or into a deep conversation you didn’t expect.

3. Have sex.

Yup, I said it and I’ll say it again. Have sex. Kiss, hug, and show your partner some love. You’ll be happier if you do.

For more on this topic read: Which comes first: sex or happiness?

4. Try something new together.

Two words – Bollywood dancing.

Last weekend, Logan and I learned how to dance Bollywood stye, from Prashant. My Jai Ho moves were horrible, but I didn’t care. It was a blast being out on the dance floor with Logan!

Trying something new with your partner gives you a chance to learn more about each other and have a whole lot of fun too.

5. Listen.

I’m constantly working on the art of listening. I do my best to be fully engaged in conversations, but I’ve been know to fall off the wagon. For example, this happened last week. I wasn’t fully engaged in my conversation with Logan and I ended up asking him the same question three times. My mind was somewhere else and I wasn’t fully present.

If you don’t listen, it’s hard to truly connect. If you’re not listening, you won’t hear how your partners day went, if they are struggling at work, if they are worried, sad, or happy. Active listening is the key to intimacy.

Parting Words

Over the last ten years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and Logan. The most important lesson being . . .

Keeping your romance alive is simple, you just have to devote time and energy to your partner. This can be a difficult feat in this very busy and over-scheduled world, but the resulting joy will be well worth the investment.

What would you add to the list?

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Sayantani Dasgupta April 18, 2011, 8:36 am

    Cooking together. There is nothing that gives me a better sense of wholesome togetherness than my partner and I having a conversation while cooking up a storm (or even a mild breeze) in the kitchen. The smells, the tastes, the banters, and the delicious meal afterward…they all add up to perfection.

    • Tammy April 19, 2011, 8:51 am

      @Sayantani – Ohhh great suggestion! I love cooking with Logan. πŸ™‚

  • Sarah April 18, 2011, 9:23 am

    Cute wedding photo Tammy!

    Arrange your furniture for communication. We forever were skipping eating together until I realized our table faced the wall, and both of us faced the wall and we never ate facing each other, so we rarely had any dinner conversation until I moved the table away from the wall and put the chair so we would face each other, added a lamp for light. Dinner time is now a treat!

    Before we were escaping to the futon or eating in front of the TV, but now we have more meaningful conversations and can still be talking even if the food is long gone.

    • Tammy April 19, 2011, 8:53 am

      @Sarah – Thanks! Our wedding day was a lot of fun.

      Logan and I used to eat in front of the TV frequently. Getting rid of the TV has helped us cultivate interesting dinner time conversations. πŸ™‚

  • Karen T. April 18, 2011, 9:36 am

    My husband Jon and I have been married for almost 27 years. We do so many things together and I would say he is my best friend. He’s a very patient listener, and I try to be (I talk a lot and have a bad habit of interruping to share my own thoughts, which I try hard to control). We have always sung together — at home, in church choirs, and in community groups. We just signed up for a ballroom dancing class, which neither of us has ever done, so we’ll both be starting from scratch. We anticipate having a lot of fun together! We also go to church together, and love to read out loud to each other (from the newspaper, or whatever interesting book one of us is reading, or a passage from a well-loved classic that comes up in conversation). We love spending an evening playing cards with our (grown) daughters and son-in-law, making jokes and laughing at family stories. We just like being together! And yes, we are still very affectionate too (ahem!). Tammy, it sounds like you and Logan are on your way to a long and wonderful life together! Blessings to both of you.

    • Tammy April 19, 2011, 8:54 am

      @Karen T. – Ohhh how fun! We’ll have to sign-up for ballroom dancing courses; that would be a great addition to Bollywood dancing. πŸ™‚ Thanks for reading the blog!

  • Clara April 18, 2011, 9:41 am

    Do chores together! The work gets done faster, and it’s more fun to have a buddy keep you company while doing boring things cleaning, working in the garden, or folding laundry. I always feel closer to my hubby when we’ve spent time working together!

  • Karen April 18, 2011, 10:16 am

    We often read a book aloud to one another and then share our thoughts on it. I think it helps us move in a similar direction and keep more ‘On the Same Page’ as our lives morph over the years. (married 25 yrs already and have way better sex than that article you linked to…..while raising 9 kids. Where there’s a will there’s a way!!)

  • Jenny April 18, 2011, 10:21 am

    I would add being grateful and focussing on their good points. When I feel myself being down on Mr Jen, I remember all the brilliant things about him, and I know I wouldn’t swap him for anyone else.

  • Marc April 18, 2011, 10:21 am

    Being playful with one another. It could be a flirtatious look, an inviting touch, or a provocative comment. Always giving your spouse a reason to come back home to you and the unexpected.

  • Katie | Momentum Gathering April 18, 2011, 11:05 am

    My husband and I (married 20 years this September) run together every other day or so. We talk, kiss and high five during every run. Okay, we’re not kissing the whole time, just before we set off πŸ™‚ It is a great way to take care of ourselves and our marriage.

    • Tammy April 19, 2011, 8:56 am

      @Katie – Congratulations on your 20 year anniversary! Awesome! πŸ™‚

  • tina April 18, 2011, 11:18 am

    What a great topic! I liked the story at the beginning…I never get tired of hearing it πŸ™‚ Addicted to romance I guess πŸ™‚

  • Dmarie April 18, 2011, 12:56 pm

    when I ask the same question three times, I blame it on the sinus meds. πŸ˜‰ (your explanation is actually more correct! *sigh*)

  • Roy | cruisesurfingz April 18, 2011, 1:16 pm

    Great points. Both need to make time for “relationship building” or the relationship crumbles. At least that what I know from personal experience πŸ˜‰

  • kidokacio April 18, 2011, 5:20 pm

    Don’t lose your funny side. Make a joke often. Make Your Partner laugh! Even you can laugh toegether about your crazy pets if you have some.

    • Karen T. April 21, 2011, 11:20 pm

      Yes, laughing. Laughing is totally important. Our family laughs a lot together. That doesn’t mean we never yell or cry together, but the laughing predominates, thank God!

  • Chris O'Byrne April 18, 2011, 6:17 pm

    This is so sweet.

  • Jen April 18, 2011, 9:05 pm

    I would add taking the time every so often to reminisce about the first time you met or the first date. It can be a fun way to remember all the wonderful times and emotions when everything was new. It helps remind me and my husband why we are so special to one another. We also like to do projects together like down sizing are stuff or fixer up’r projects around the house. For fun spicy times take a bath together and enjoy the one on one connection πŸ™‚

  • dani April 18, 2011, 10:55 pm

    A reminder that relationships require nurturing, love and attention – I had lost sight of that recently but it is what I have always believed so thanks for the jolt! πŸ™‚

  • John Hayden April 19, 2011, 7:11 pm

    As a man, I recommend to women that they simply go braless. This works best if you usually wear a bra!

  • Brenda April 20, 2011, 12:58 am

    Tammy, your post could not have come at a better time. My hubby and I are hitting 10 years this coming summer and while I love and adore him deeply, I think there is always room for a little extra love and growth. Gotta get that date night going again.

    Congrats to you and Logan!

  • Holli April 20, 2011, 7:54 am

    A hug for more than ten seconds every day:)
    It feels like a silly thing but really helpful when life keeps you spinning.
    Great post!

  • Jessica April 20, 2011, 9:20 am

    I love this post Tammy! And I miss you & Logan! xxoxxo

  • Sandra Pawula April 20, 2011, 9:13 pm


    What a wonderful story and excellent tips to boot. I would like to underscore what you’ve said about listening. The way to connect is to be fully present and if we’re not listening, we’re not really there. Listen with your whole being!

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